A Year and 2 Months?

This almost doesn’t surprise me.  I’ve been sending my words into a different venue for almost exactly a year and 2 months. My goodness.

I was just in Texas last Monday to visit family and friends. It was hot, but they kept their agreement and they kept me in air conditioned boxes while I was there, and I only stayed several hours. Still working in the same job that I love. Started on a doctorate in education in January 2011.  Liking it, though I’m not yet finding the like-minded others I would prefer.  Still wanting a mentor, though most likely, I’ll have to train one for my dissertation committee.  There is no scholarly research, yet, on what I’m working on. Current working title:  Happiness:  Can We Teach It?

Martin Seligman wrote an article you can look up called “Can We Teach Happiness?”  Almost made me want to shift and go to U of Pennsylvania to study, but I doubt that is in my future, really.  I’m just about married to living in Colorado.

Still single.

That’s about it for the update.  I’ll see about writing more somewhere, sometime.

~ Stacy

 

I’m Going to Whine a Little Now

And I’m going to enjoy it.

Well, you won’t believe me if I only share things that people label “good” or “positive.”  ”It’s all good” is one of the truest things ever said.

I have a feeling I might be pre-menstrual.

Why do I think that?

Well, I put on “Mary Ellen Carter” sung by Stan Rogers on the way to work this morning and cried all the way through it… then I played it again and cried some more. It was great!

There is a YouTube performance with an intro about the song here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fT-aEcPgkuA

Then I went into Steve Forbert, “So Good to Feel Good Again,” which doesn’t seem to be on YouTube. Tsk tsk.

That got me to work.

I’ve got that yearning for companionship, yearning for school, yearning for a way to give more in my work, coupled with some discouragement and the feeling of a hole where those things go.

Like Mr. Prosser, I am “only human. In other words, I am a carbon-based life form descended from an ape.”

Yawn, it’s 8:30 pm. Nearly bedtime.

Good night!

Tantra, Polyamory, Meditation & Learning to Think

Someone on Facebook friended me because he thought I was into tantra. This is my reply:

How on Earth did someone claiming to be an analytical thinker get caught up in the superstitions of tantra and the like? No, don’t tell me. I kinda know. It was different. You had to try it. You were horny. Things like that.

Me, I started with all of that stuff and had to learn to think.

Once I did, none of that made sense. Pure superstition. I hope you enjoyed the Anti-Guru blog.  http://sashen.com/blog/

If you liked that, friend Duhism here and go look at http://www.duhism.com/

My father always said he didn’t understand why we had to love just one person. I was polyamorous at 13. My first poly relationship lasted 7 years off and on. Would be nice to find Anthony to see where he landed, but his last name is Smith and it has been fairly hopeless so far.

No, I am not saying I am “more satisfied, more mature, or somehow otherwise better off having [as you put it] moved to monogamy.” I did not “move to monogamy.” I simply recognized that I am. When I am really into someone, I don’t want anyone else. But it isn’t as simple as that, either. With some partners, I might enjoy relationships with other people. I have no idea till it happens. But clinging to “being poly” or “being monogamous” from some idealistic stand I’ve taken is stressful. All I did was notice what I do and when I do it. Peaceful to do that.

There is a meditation I recommend. Well, two.

One is “The Work of Byron Katie,” which will sound very analytical and I assure you it is not. Her questions are meant to be answered from *inside* not outside. And it takes a pile of Worksheets to delve into some of our nests of untrue thinking. There is a blog on that at http://annojohnson.wordpress.com

Katie’s site is http://www.thework.com/index.asp where you will find her books, videos, and free hotline for facilitation.

The other is IAM Meditation. There are several of them. Below is my affiliate link.

There are 2 schools of meditation: the purification methods, which most people know, whereby you spend hours and years and lifetimes sitting and hoping and practicing, never really “reaching” your “goal.” Then there is the recognition path. You’re there. Just notice. Myself, I prefer the latter and that is what IAM is.

You will find a fairly long, free introductory video here:

http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391

Steven is my friend. Trust him with your email address. You can always unsubscribe.

So, there, in a nutshell is about a decade of my learning. Well, my whole life, if you read my anonymous blog. I am Ann O’Johnson. Be aware that I no longer believe what I wrote in many of the earlier blogs. Astrology, for example. But I leave it up. It’s part of the story.

Love,

Stacy

Thursday, November 26

I cancelled the trip to Texas because Trillian, my calico cat, is still limping from a neighborly attack by the resident she-monster upstairs, belonging to the HOA president, Debbie.  To her credit, the minute she heard the ruckus, Debbie was out her door calling her cat off.

But my tiny little girl was chased up a tree and sprained her right front leg. She’s been limping for a week. However, today, she is gingerly walking on all four a lot of the time, as long as her dear brother, Puff, isn’t chasing her. In 30 minutes, when the Sun is fully up, Mr. Puff is going to have a little outing out of doors, away from his sister, who has retreated to the top of my wicker shelf. (It’s nice that I only paid $20 for it the way she is always climbing it.)

And me, rather than having a 14 to 16 hour drive to Fort Worth last night, slept on my own recently fluffed featherbed with a kitten under each arm.

 

Dollhouse by Joss Whedon

 

www.whyiwatch.com

www.fox.com/dollhouse

Brief Blurbs of Updatedness

Labor Day weekend I dunked my body into 4 hot springs in 3 days – more if you consider that Ojo Caliente has 7 pools of varying temperatures and mineral composition. The drive to and from was peaceful and relaxing, and Joy is a Joy to be with, as always.

By 11:30 this morning, I learned that my boss, who gave her notice a full 6 weeks ago, would not be back. She was trying to work through this Friday, but really… once the decision was made, 6 weeks is a *lot*. Totally don’t blame her.

I am enjoying a very odd phase of things with people right now. Tying up lots of loose ends, getting clearer with people – winning friends, losing friends over my honesty & clarity – what is it they say about that?  Something about how there is nothing really lost when someone can’t handle honesty & clarity. It’s better worded than that. I forget.

I wrote Sashen a note I’ve been meaning to write him for about 6 years, wondering if he’ll be a sounding board for me, asking to negotiate on how to do that, and requesting a referral if he doesn’t have time. His local classes are down to not even one a year, and the 8-week series on practical aspects of Quantum Wealth has not happened, so I am going to take matters into my own hands a bit more now.

I played a great scene with an old friend Sunday morning. Enjoyed the hell out of it and will never do it quite like that again. More clarity. I still want what I want. And won’t settle for less. I’d rather be single than unhappy.

My eating habits are pretty much back to something I can live with. I am still planning on some more fasting for cleansing and weight loss, but am much less susceptible to foods that hurt - and I’ve lost a chunk of weight, but still have much more to go.

What else?

I’m wishing for a bit of a larger living space, one maybe with the living room between the 2 bedrooms so that my roommate and I aren’t sharing a bedroom wall. That would be nice. Still, the rent here is wonderfully low, and lets me live really well for less. That and no car payment and I’m doing fine on that front.

Looking for a PhD that will work for making Ann’s Tale a dissertation, and maybe a different sort of book than I’ve been trying to write. Face it - I suck at telling stories. I’m too informational, too much information, too preachy. It just doesn’t come out as any kind of artfully told tale. But as a dissertation?  Something more textbookish? That’s more my thing.

The kittens are kind of in their Terrible Twos. They are 3 months old, too young to go outside on their own yet, and not till they’ve had their shots, but too old to run rampant through a small 2-bedroom condo… and doing it anyway. I will be glad when they can wear themselves out *out*side and be more placid around the plants and furniture. They *will* grow up. (Thank goodness they aren’t children – that would just take WAY too long!)

I’m totally single right now. There are always several bites on the dating sites, but so far, nothing I could sink my teeth into. No, wait, teeth would be bad.

Alright, I digress.

“We’ll be saying a big hello to all intelligent lifeforms everywhere and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together guys . “

      -Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams

Keep those cards & letters & phone calls coming!

Love,

Stacy

 PS – Today’s latest Duhism is right in line with me… http://www.duhism.com

HHGG Quote of the Day: 

 ”I seem to be having a bit of trouble with my lifestyle.”  Arthur Dent

Patience for? Trust to?

Patience and trust are subtly controlling words.

Not all that subtle the minute you think about it clearly.

If you are being patient you are waiting for some imagined future that you cannot control, but insisting on control anyway.

If you are trusting, you are trusting someone or something to do something or not to do something. Again:  controlling the future, not to mention another person.

Give it up.

Love,

Stacy

Just a little about my week

So far this week:

I have been talking with and sometimes seeing an ex-lover who is seriously considering suicide. He says if he makes it through the weekend, he will try to talk to someone and get help. He is seriously sleep-deprived and has promised not to do anything until he has slept. Of course, no animal sleeps when it thinks its life is threatened. It stays awake and alert till the danger passes. This might work for him.

I worked 40+ at the new job which keeps me so busy that both lunch and 5 pm come and go without my noticing. I am the Traffic Director (read: receptionist) at a mental health clinic. Many of the clients are certified. Most are on serious meds. This pays my bills so I can do my work with people whose worst problem is a relationship or a job or lack of inner peace in my spare time.   

I have “rescued” a new lover after a flat tire twice… one on his pick up truck, one on his bike. Can hardly wait to see him tonight! That story will land on another page at another time, perhaps.

I am having Chocolate Nirvana with a girlfriend around 11 am for her birthday.

I am still plugging away at getting all the info filled in on 55 Coffee Shops in the Boulder Area for my Guide.  I need help with setting it up as an ebook and selling it both online and in hard copy of some kind. Anyone?

I video chatted with an old lover who now lives in Savannah, Georgia. He has a 3-year old. Single dad. Just joined a couple of double lettered organizations in the last year:  AA and UU. 

I finally found a lover from high school that I have wondered about for years!  I LOVE Facebook.

I’m still looking for a couple more.  I never put real names in this blog, but I’m SO tempted to make an exception. There are still about a few people in this world I would absolutely love to catch up with.

Heck, one of them has a name so common I will never find him if I don’t ask diligently… Anthony Lynn Smith… from Paschal High School.  Anyone gots any ideas what happened to him? There are several others, men and women. Maybe some day they will join Facebook.

I am amazed that Joy was just here a week ago.  I have lived so much life since then.

I’d better get bathed and get ready for the Birthday Girl’s Chocolate Nirvana.

Love,

Stacy

Help me help a friend

My friend, Steven Sashen, writes:

I’ve spent the last 2.5 weeks with the most unlightened beings I’ve never met, studying his faux-losophy.

His name is Bob Tzu, and he’s the long-lost American cousin of the Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu. Lao Tzu founded Taoism. Bob Tzu teaches Duhism.

Bob says of the impractical wisdumb of Duhism: “The Duh cannot be understood by those who think.”

Meet him (and his family) yourself at www.duhism.com

(then go to www.duhism.com/help for my special plea… which, you may
get again later when I tell everyone I know about Bob and The Duh)

Oh, and PASS IT ON!

Twitter it. Facebook it. MySpace it. Blog it.

Any and all of the above.

Thanks!

Stacy

So, how was my trip to Texas?

Really excellent.

I saw people I have not seen in 35 years – thanks to Facebook!  A couple of them grilled Sunday night and I stayed there, then got up and drove from their home. She and I both used to date this guy. Ah well. It was quite the time reminiscing. I’ve seen her since, but not him.

On the way down I stopped at a fruit stand and got pecans in the shell, some peach jam and some great hot sauce to take to my family. Friday evening I grilled chicken at Mother’s and every local member of my family (With nieces and nephews, that’s like … 12 people?)  except the niece who ditched. Not sure what happened, just that her mother was very upset.

By Friday evening, I had seen all members of my family, including a great visit with my father and his wife out near Weatherford. That left the rest of the weekend free. Also saw a guy from high school who is a DJ now for weddings and such, and a girl I met in elementary school Spanish class, who also took piano from my mother back when. She was out near where my father lives now, so we met at a coffee shop… Agape… she’s very over-the-top with her Christianity these days, which is fine for her.

Saturday I drove over to Dallas. My ex-husband bought lunch at this great Greek buffet. I had salad and chicken and humus. Then I met an ex-bf at LaMadeleine, the first place I ever had a cappuccino or a latte. He and I hung out till mid-evening and another friend, someone I’ve known since I was 13, came and went in his tux – he was dressed to play viola for a wedding.

Sunday I fixed a late and lazy brunch for Mother & her husband. Then went back to a friend’s home for above-mentioned grilling and stayed in their guest room.

The drive Monday took *way* longer than it should have because I stopped 2 or 3 times and used the internet at McD’s.  Oopsie. 

 
~ Stacy

Stacy Ann Clark, MA

“Peace in our minds and in our lives is a cause-effect relationship.”

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