Archive for the ‘Quantum Wealth’ Category

Peace Now – Inner Peace Thoughts for 9/11

September 11, 2007


Just in case some of you want to know about this . . .

Please Pass It On to Others!

The Call is Thursday 9/13

Do you know Gay Hendricks? He’s written over 30 best-selling transformational books — books about relationships, breathing, manifestation, even golf!

Gay is are offering an upcoming teleclass that I’d like to invite you to attend at no charge.

Here’s Gay’s message about the class:

   When I was in Boulder recently, I had dinner with an old friend,    Steven Sashen. He’s one of the best “system thinkers” I know. If you want to know what REALLY makes something work, or how to make something more powerful or efficient, he’s your guy. He and I are teaming up on a new meditation course that will be offered via teleseminar.

   Steven is a longtime meditator. And when he turned his systems-thinking scope on meditation he discovered something that truly impressed me, a set of insights and practices that I wish I’d had 30 years ago. (Some of you know that I’m a longtime  meditator–in fact, I haven’t missed a day of meditation since 1973. So, anything that fine-tunes meditation is right up my alley.)

   If I’d had Steven’s insights and techniques, I think it would have accelerated my practice and my spiritual growth by years. He’s taken people who are new to meditation or who couldn’t make it work  for them – he’s even worked with teenagers and homeless people–and after just a few minutes of instruction, they’ve had experiences of peace, and deep spiritual insights that take most meditators decades to find.

   Steven’s techniques work well for advanced meditators, too. If you already have a meditation or spiritual practice, you can make an almost instant leap to a new depth and expansion.

   With Steven’s techniques you don’t need to stop (or even slow down) your thoughts and you don’t need to take time out from your busy schedule. You can do them practically anywhere.

   I could tell you more, it would be better for you to experience it yourself. So, I’ve arranged a way for you to do that.

       Go to
   When you get to the site, fill out the registration form and I’ll let you know about an upcoming free teleclass where you can discover for yourself how easily you can find deep body relaxation, greatly expanded awareness, and real inner-peace…even while the kids are demanding your attention or work is getting nuts.

   I hope you’ll join me for this new and exciting opportunity,

   Gay Hendricks

The teleclass is going to be really fun and interesting and there’s a chance to get a $400 gift. I hope you can make it, too.

presented by Garuda, Inc.

Have fun!


“It is no sign of mental health to be well-adjusted to an insane world.”

                 The Dalai Lama


Abominable Snow! Man!

February 1, 2007

Is it ever going to stop snowing?

Yes, the planet needs water. Colorado has been having droughts. I never thought about the fact that if the drought was to clear, it would most likely happen with snow, not rain, Texas girl that I am.

This morning I fell down go boom. Yeah, I slipped on black ice in a parking lot. Shoulda worn the snow boots. I’ll do that the rest of the week, for sure. The rear wheel drive 83 Toyota made it to the temp job, praise Shiva! I travel up a highway, so most likely I’ll be able to get here and back, although I will most certainly not be traveling at the 55 mph speed limit like the SUV’s all around me. They’ll just have to go around me. I’m just happy as a clam to be driving my own car somewhere.

This has been a very isolated, cold, snowy winter for me.

Last week I started using “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles as a sig line:

“Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it’s all right
It’s all right.”

                – The Beatles

Looks like next week we have mid-40’s temperatures. Humidity has been staying in the 50 to 70% range where fungus and mold love to grow. I’m sniffing, nearly losing my voice for 2 weeks now. I’ve had just about enough of this. I’m thinking maybe Arizona if it doesn’t clear up!  Nah, I’ll stay here, Lord willin’ and the crick don’t rise.

I’m looking for places to go do The Work of Byron Katie or Quantum Wealth work, perhaps paid, perhaps as a volunteer. Got any ideas? Send them to me, tell me whom to contact. I’m wondering what to say and how to go about it. I just want to be doing something and I love that stuff. It works.

I went through an exercise of writing little paragraphs about many of the things I can teach and submitting them to a school here that has not replied to either my initial inquiry or my follow up. I guess they’re not interested, but it did give me some ideas. I want to create some new groups.

Oh, and if you’re local, ask me about the Light Reading (pun intended) group that is meeting on 3rd Saturdays 10 am to Noon. That was fun. We’re going to do it again!

I’d love to see comments, calls and letters when you can!



Inspiration from (and on) My Birthday

December 19, 2006

Good morning,

I am sitting on a very comfortable couch in a luxurious home on the side of a mountain watching the Sun rise over Boulder on my birthday. (Thank you!  You know who you are. Sunrises are *amazing* here!) Both my new car and a loaned Subaru Forester (I want my own, in a darker green and standard by the end of the year.) sit outside. I feel SO very blessed and supported on my birthday. I’m getting emails, e-cards and phone calls from people I love.

Since I was 5 years old I have known that I want to teach. I had some … hmm… childhood complications.

Incest. Really, my thoughts *about* incest, and that’s what I’ve learned. That is very different.

The experiences I have had in the life that followed are the very soil in which my teaching and my learning are planted. Sometimes it’s manure, but it matures.

I’ve had some trepidation about speaking in front of large groups of people I do not know. At the same time, I suddenly felt connected and high a few years ago, when I was talking on sexual surrogacy to a class at CU and someone said, “How did you get started doing this?”

I took a deep breath and looked around me. I decided that in a class at CU it was pretty much guaranteed most if not all of them were adult enough to hear my answer. I told them that my response to incest was to explore sexuality long and hard. (All my puns are intentional. I didn’t say it quite that way to them. I wasn’t that quick.Oh, and I no longer do sexual surrogacy. I’m way too monogamous for it.

I’ve trained in Rebirthing/Vivation Breathwork, NLP, Institute for Spiritual Partnerships, Work of Byron Katie, Quantum Wealth, astrology, psychology (master’s), ministry (working on a doctorate), and more. I’ve led support groups and counseled and coached privately on spirituality, relationships, sexuality, career, meditation, goals, gosh everything. I’m the author of “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Being a Sex Goddess.” (Look it up on Amazon) Yet somehow, I often stop at merely being a contributing student in the front of the class (or writing long blogs and emails to lists, yes.)

What I am doing this year, is stepping up to the front and speaking to groups, in person.

Actually, I’d just as soon sit in a circle and talk, as often as that format is possible. I don’t know any more or any less than anyone else, so I don’t have to stand at the front of a room to establish some kind of authority. Either I know what I’m talking about or I don’t. In which case, I’d love to be enlightened.

This birthday, I am coming out of the closet as a teacher. I am also coming out of the closet as a writer and a counselor.

I could use some tech support. I have 2 dormant web domains and one that needs updating and need to establish some others for other purposes, like soon. I can trade for my services, especially Clutter Clearing, Work of Byron Katie, and Quantum Wealth. I would also be happy to share, in person, a couple of tastes of Steven’s IAM meditations, which will soon be available to the public.

If any of you know of any teaching positions or groups I could speak to or have any ideas at all about this, I am soliciting support here, now, from you. I would appreciate any and all suggestions, not limited to positive ones, either. I need support and people, large groups of people I don’t know, to do this.  🙂

I posted the above to a few of the email lists I’m on. They are most patient with me when I run on like that. Maybe I do have something to say that someone wants to hear. Writing to email lists has been a “safe” way to say things. So, has writing this blog.  

I am really enjoying the day. I feel very, very good about the coming year. I really appreciate my readers. You’ve given me a place to practice. Last year I came out of the closet to write about myself here.

Writing has the advantage of giving me time to think and edit. At the same time, when I first started, it was hard. I was sending my little heart out in print with no way of knowing how it would be received. This year I’ve spent some time on Katie’s question, “Whose business are you in when you think that thought?” Now it doesn’t matter so much how this is received. That’s completely none of my business.

It’s time to take this out into the world in person again. I’ve gone from doing mostly individual work and small support groups, to writing, and now I am going public to large groups of people I do not (yet) know. Katie teaches that “reality is kinder than your thinking.” I know it is. I’m ready to experience that in teaching.

Thank you for listening.  I may add to this some throughout the day.


“To teach is to demonstrate.”

                  – A Course in Miracles

The Secret – Not!

December 18, 2006

A colleague & friend in London just sent me a well-put opinion on “The Secret, ” a popular recent, “you create your own reality” New Age movie, from someone named Burt Harding, I’m also A Course in Miracles student, not to mention The Work of Byron Katie, and my understanding of Truth has developed a lot in the past few years with that.

Here’s an excerpt from his newsletter:

“In our fascination with seeking we are ready to buy into anything that promises personal power, longer life and a happier and healthier future. But is this really what it’s all about? The path of working with manifesting things in your life can be called the path of magic (coined by A Course in Miracles).

This path of magic is our ego’s craving and blocks our immediate seeing of what-is here and now. One of the great illusions is that we can find happiness through attachments and material attainments.”

Isn’t anybody else noticing this?

I sent this note to a couple of my email lists.

I received many, many well thought out replies to this post and I appreciate them all. I was surprised at the depth of this discussion.

Thank you. I wish everyone had pressed “reply to all” so you could have seen them.

 What I have found so far is that reality is sort of like the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.  Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.

 A better interpretation was offered by Steven Sashen, author of the upcoming book on quantum wealth. He pointed out that in the yin yang  symbol, one side represents the areas in which we can take action and do our part to move toward whatever we are moving toward as a goal.

The other side, though, is the things we cannot control, and we would not  want to! That’s where the Mystery happens. There “the Universe does what  the Universe does.” Or, “This or something better, Thy Will be done.”

Our job is to stay on our side of that line.

 (Steven actually used the word “magic,” but in order not to confuse it  with “magical thinking” or attempts to control reality, things outside of  our control, I’m saying Mystery and the Universe.)

One of the things that helps me stay on my side of that wavy line down the  middle of the yin yang is to ask Byron Katie’s questions, especially:

       “Whose business am I in when I think that thought?”

We’ve found three kinds of business:

God’s (use your preferred term) – the weather, the stock market, events, other people
Someone Else’s – their opinions, thoughts, feelings, actions, etc.
Mine – well, check inside, yours may differ

It was Kathy Adams who, about this time last year, really helped me to focus on this idea more, when she told me that she had been checking and finding out that almost nothing was her business. I’m discovering that, too.

Peace seems to be the result.

Peace on Earth, Good Will toward All,



No Local Vertical

November 16, 2006

Thanks to Spider Robinson where I first read this concept, and then belatedly (and posthumously) to the immortal Robert A. Heinlein and his Waldo & Magic, Inc.

“Oh Great Wave, wipe away, wipe away my false face.
Awaken from my sleep the Radiant Light.
Touch me! Touch me! I am once again beyond the beyond.
I am that I am.”

sung by Scott Medina

At the end of the Quantum Wealth workshop (, Steven told how he met a monk who could do that harmonic toning thing with his voice. He asked how they learned that. The monk said that they tone and the student listens. Then the student tries. And on like that until one day the student does it. Apparently, it takes a long time. Steven just said, “Oh.” A couple of days later, he did it. He called the monk, did the tone, and the monk said, “Oh, that is very good.”

He told us we had received the transmission.

I am not sure how many times I’ve taken this workshop, and I imagine I may do it again. It’s a great time. At the same time, I’ve received the transmission. Going to the workshop again or calling Steven up today could be one of my favorite ways to recreate the familiar sense of “me” that I was not recreating so much during the weekend.

Pondering this, I have not gone for a mocha, not left the house, not called Steven, not had breakfast. I did finally eat 2 pieces of chocolate and half a cup of the chocolate-laced Bolder Breakfast Tea. Yum.

While I waited for the tea water to boil, I made a to-do list. I had to laugh. Apparently, I had a few next steps, none of which were chocolate, Steven or mocha. I’m still leaning toward the mocha. Phooey. Because I know if I ingest caffeine, next I’ll crave salt. Sigh One thing at a time.

I put on Scott Medina’s chant CD, too. At first the words seemed to be getting in the way of me-being-with me, another of those things I tend to run from. We all do, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to stay with myself. I let it play while I took a hot bath. Even the bath was pulling me out of myself this morning. When they CD got to “Oh Great Wave” I dropped in. deep breath

Calling people is another way I recreate that familiar sense of “me.”

Yesterday I resisted one of those for hours. Hours and hours. Finally, around 2 pm, I just let go into it and decided I wasn’t going anywhere or calling anyone. I was just going to sit there and be with me. Guess what? Someone called. Funny how these things work.

So, why did I call this blog “No Local Vertical?”

Because it is my sense of things that Spider Robinson uses the idea of no local vertical as a metaphor for not recreating that familiar sense of “me.” Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn’t. But intentional or not, it works anyway, reading his Star Dance trilogy (which I highly recommend to your attention!)

In Star Dance the author talks about how few people can live without a sense of local vertical. You try it. I cannot imagine living in free fall. I can’t even ride a bus without getting seasick! I don’t know what I’d do if suddenly there was no up or down, no floor, no ceiling… and no walls!!!

Yeah, no walls. Between me and me.

And by extension, between me and you.

When those walls drop and I drop in, I think I have a taste of what Spider calls “no local vertical.” I don’t know which way is up. I’m free floating . . . but without the anxiety.

I met a friend for brunch one Sunday morning in that state. I looked into his eyes and for a split moment I couldn’t tell who was who. I drew away from the intimacy of it. My walls went blammo! Back to that familiar sense of self.

And yet I spend a lot of time and money seeking these experiences. Up until 1985 I did it with drugs. Pot, acid, ecstacy, mushrooms … oh mushrooms. Put a few chemicals in my body and the walls came down. But the anxiety stayed. In fact, if memory serves (that was over 20 years ago), if memory serves, the anxiety went up not down.

Now, when I . . . hmm, meet myself, so to speak, without the chemicals, the anxiety is usually absent. When it comes back, boom… there I go, off in search of any of those famous ways to find the familiar local vertical, the familiar sense of “me.” Which, by the way, is contracted and tight and scared and none of those things I know in my heart of hearts that I’d rather be: expansive and relaxed and alive and aware.

Somehow this weekend I got an even deeper sense of the “looking forward to” that Byron Katie uses in the Turn Around for Question #6. (If you don’t know what that is, look it up on or keep reading.

Question #6 is “What is it you never want to experience with that person again?”

Right now, I might say that I never want to experience anxiety or running from presence with myself or using coffee, chocolate, phone calls and emails to recreate that familiar sense of “me.”

Is that true? Check. No, I get a contraction in my solar plexus.

Can I absolutely know that that’s true? Nope. Very tight. Clearly I’m lying to myself.

How do I react when I believe that thought or story or . . . lie? Make a list.

Oh Jesus.

I eat chocolate. I crave mocha. I crave teriyaki chicken. I call people. I email people. I take workshops. I read books. I turn on music to drown out my thoughts. I stress. I think poorly of myself. I think poorly of others. I have long arguments in my mind with myself and others. I obsess. I have sex. I run from myself.

Who would you be without that thought or story or lie?

High as a kite. Expansive. Relaxed. Open. Clear. Available. Unafraid. Peaceful.

(“Is that all?” we ask with a smile.)

Turn it Around (to self, other or opposite)

I am willing to experience anxiety or running from presence with myself or using coffee, chocolate, phone calls and emails to recreate that familiar sense of “me.”

Is that thought at least as true? (as the lie . . . lol)

Yes. Definitely. Why not? It hasn’t killed me yet! I actually enjoy some of those things sometimes.

Can you find another turn around?


I look forward to experiencing anxiety or running from presence with myself or using coffee chocolate, phone calls and emails to recreate that familiar sense of “me.”

Is that thought at least as true?

God, yes. Doing that shows me the next step to take, gives me gifts of expanded clarity beyond the beyond. I am that I am.

“Oh Great Wave, wipe away, wipe away my false face.
Awaken from my sleep the Radiant Light.
Touch me! Touch me! I am once again beyond the beyond.
I am that I am.”

sung by Scott Medina . . . and me!

Timidly I Post

November 14, 2006

Some of you are looking at the subject line and wondering what the aliens did with Stacy, I know. But hear me out, and think about it… gently, as my mother would say. One of the ways I cope with the fact that I am so ultra-sensitive inside is to be ultra-hardshelled outside, just like any turtle, doncha know?

So, I did Steven Sashen’s Quantum Wealth class this weekend. Yes, again. Just be quiet, ok? I’m trying to get this down without crying. And yes, it is going to count toward my 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo. Once edited it may actually land in the dang book.

You see, the only way I can write this book is to reach inside that hard shell I wear and let some of the softness out, or at least bring it into view. You know it’s there. It’s obvious. Why else would there be a shell at all?

So, I had this email and phone exchange with my former husband and one of the loves of my life, Marvin, and in his last note he said, “May make good blogging material.” *gulp* I wrote him back and said, “Not yet. It still feels too personal.”

Okay, well, *deep breath* I do give myself credit for knowing a good idea when I see one and for being able to quickly admit something to others once I’ve admitted it to myself. It isn’t going to seem like such a big deal or so tender to some of you, but it feels like that to me right now.

On Friday, I got a voice mail message from a number in Dallas that looked familiar, but didn’t come up in my caller ID. I quickly figured out it was Marvin’s cell phone, or I thought so, and I emailed him because I could not hear what the message was. I could tell someone was trying to play me a piece of music. (My friends do this fairly often. I love music and tend to have a soundtrack going in my head for my life. Lovers get theme songs. I have theme songs for various phases. And, as you know, I burst into song at the slightest provocation partly because I love to sing and sing something that fits the moment, and partly because I want to contribute to being living proof that yes, people in real life do that!)

Anyway, I emailed Marvin from Steven’s workshop Saturday morning (the Marriott is kind enough to provide a computer to guests and I didn’t have the laptop, talk about living in an abundant Universe) asking him if he sent the voice mail and telling him I couldn’t make out the song.

Marvin, a man of few words, which is one of the two reasons we ever divorced (because otherwise he is a jewel of a man and we love each other deeply), emailed back “Queen. Fat Bottomed Girls. Thought of you for some reason.”

I laughed my ass off.

I heard the same song just a couple of days ago when I was feeling particularly discouraged about my excess weight and remembering Jon, who knew me both BF and AF (Before Fat and After Fat) and remarked in bed one day, AF, with obvious surprise in his voice, “You’re still sexy.”

Lately, I’ve been having the opposite experience. Well, not exactly. two men have told me how beautiful I am, but at the same time, they found my weight repulsive. Okay. So do I, actually. How can I fault them for agreeing with me? Answer: I can’t.

Here is my (unedited) email reply to Marvin:

That is fucking hilarious!

A few days ago, I was lamenting the fact that this guy I’m interested in is having trouble with my weight. (I’m back to about where I was when we divorced… dang it.) and I heard “Fat Bottom Girls,” which reminded me that some guys actually *like* that.

On top of that, I’m in Steven’s Quantum Wealth workshop and 10 minutes ago I was doing some releasing contractions on the goal to weigh 120 lbs again (I have only seen 124… and that was right after the Shivambu Kalpa Vidhi fast.)

So, what we do is release contractions and stress about the goal and see what the Next Step might be… and I actually came to the Mariott’s computer to look up something Steven was telling me about calorie restriction diets and longevity.

is one of the links.

So… you are, as usual, my love, right on target with where I am.

Marvin, sometimes I wonder why I divorced you.  (And the answer partly is because I had created so much stress in my own mind about being with you… but it was being with me that needed some investigation.)

Love you very much,


*deep sigh*

What I did not mention to him at that point is that I was not doing Quantum Wealth per se this weekend. I chose to do the weekend on Quantum Relationship. Every time we were doing an exercise, I was doing it on my 360 Degree Desire Sheet on marrying again.  Oh, if we were doing something that required numbers or financial information, I switched and worked on that. It’s all related.

So, there he was, right on time in perfect intuitive connection, which is one of the things I value in a husband. Marvin is a meditation teacher, as well. And then he had the audacity to suggest it might make good blogging material. Of course he was right. Dammit. Here is where I make that wrinkly nosed impudent little face that Cricket makes when you say the obvious and you’re right.

For those of you who do not know, Marvin has been with Paula since about 6 months after our divorce, 10 years ago. For nearly 10 years, she had been wanting to get married and Marvin refused, saying that if three marriages didn’t work out, he wanted to try something different. Since he wanted to stay, he would not marry her.

January of this year, I called Marvin and told him I finally felt I had healed enough from our divorce to get married again. About 3 weeks later, he called and told me he and Paula had gotten married and he sent me pictures. He has a sweet look on his face and I suspect he cried, knowing him. She looks stressed and is frowning.

So, y’all, if you know any (very verbal) good men who might be compatible with all you know of me and who can be patient while I drop this weight (I can show him pictures of what he can look forward to in a few months at send him my way. I lost 5 pounds already just thinking about it.   🙂



PS – If any of you friendly geeks know how to fix the change in font up there and want to, let me know and I’ll give you the password to this thing. I’ve been doing it when that happens and I’m just tired of having to focus on all that stupid code. That’s what geeks are for! Nevermind, I did it. I couldn’t stand to look at this with three fonts. Too messy. But seriously, if any of you can help, let me know.

“Stress Makes Us Blind and Stupid”

October 18, 2006

It’s true.

There I was in Ireland not really enjoying it. Why?

I was stressed and not clearing it. Not like I wasn’t trying. But I wasn’t getting there by myself. I literally could not see straight.

I’ve done nothing but learn ways to clear stress my entire life. At least that’s one way of looking at all the counseling, rebirthing breathwork, neurolinguistic programming, meditation, Work of Byron Katie, Quantum Wealth, etc. that I have spent tons of time and money doing. I did breathwork. I looked for thoughts to investigate.

Finally, I wrote down, “I need someone to help me.”

It was true. There was nothing to investigate!

Sometimes we are so overwhelmed, so “blind and stupid” that we need a hand-hold, an assist, a little help from our friends.

I have told clients that if we were meant to heal alone we’d be on a planet alone. The fact that there are 6 BILLION other humans here is a clue.

I did finally ask for help.

I called Boulder and requested a session with one of my teachers. The stress cleared up. I came home in a state of bliss.

I met fascinating people on the way home. Talked with a guy named Mauricio most of the way across the Atlantic. He was like a brother. We got our nasty airplane food. I asked if he wanted my roll. He gave me his salad. We talked like we had known each other forever, in both English and Spanish. I will likely write more about that later. He was good company. I met a woman in the Chicago airport, a financial investment counselor, who was going to meet friends in Boulder. She said they studied some American Indian path, something Sioux, she said. I taught her how to say “All my relations” in Lakota Sioux. Mi takuye oyasin.

Everything was interesting that had not been before. I found myself thinking about how to write about the people I met. I noticed the Irish countryside as I flew over it, and Colorado’s when I got here. I said Ireland was like a green egg carton. The landscape was bumpy and green. Colorado was flat and brown. I was blissing out on even flat and brown.

Bliss is not dependent on where we are or who we’re with or what is happening. I knew that, but for a couple of weeks there, I just couldn’t connect with it at all.

It’s a little weird to be back in Boulder right now.

In a way I kind of feel like I chickened out and left Ireland due to lack of funds. Maybe, maybe not. I thought I had a place I could stay a while, but missed connections and directions, and ended up sitting around in Cork for an extra week.

I could have taken what money I had and gone to London and been there this past weekend to see Swami Vishwananda, which was something I wanted to do very much. One of my former roommates is there. I had spaced it out until I got a letter yesterday from the Seva (work) group that they organized to support Swami’s work in Boulder. I had totally spaced out that it was this past weekend. Of course, that could have something to do with being in bed all weekend. Now I appreciate that distraction more than ever.

Of course, Swami will be here in a few weeks. I can see him right in my own backyard. And that was one of the things I noticed even before I left, of course. Nothing new there. I wasn’t leaving to find anything in Ireland that I could not find here. There was nothing in Ireland or elsewhere than I couldn’t do here, in fact maybe more of it here. That felt like a rationalization for going home (or before I left for not going), though, and from my stressed state, it was.

I imagine I could have gotten enough together to get back if I had gone on, but I was in that state of worry that keeps me from thinking clearly and didn’t get it clear enough to see my choices. 

At the same time, Aubrey keeps telling me how she doesn’t know how she would have gotten through the move without me. I’m living in one bedroom and the rest of the house is currently covered in plastic and being painted. I believe I will be able to open the refrigerator and kitchen cabinets again by Friday. The place is empty except for a few things I have and a little clutter in the basement. I’ll live here till the place sells unless something else comes up sooner.

So, not knowing how to talk about all of this is why I have not written much about Ireland. I was all busy doing image management. I didn’t realize it. And I didn’t want to look at it. I got to do The Work last Tuesday and realized how much energy and how much of my life is spent on this. I cried for half an hour first, though. I could not see it at all. I did not want to go there. I was still trying to look good.

So many people had helped me to get there. I was supposed to be feeling grateful and having a wonderful experience, but I was not. I didn’t feel like I could be honest with anyone about that.

Frankly, I hated Ireland for days at a time. I was bored. I was restless. I didn’t know what to do or where to go next. I was panicky, really. I finally got honest enough to say it that way to my friend, Erica, yesterday, and then I found myself writing to Ruth in a little more detail, and the next thing you know, I finally felt like I could write honestly about it for this blog.

It’s hard to say you hate something when you have worked so hard to get there. And it’s not that there was anything wrong with Ireland. There wasn’t. It’s just a place. I was just too “blind and stupid” to be clear about it and enjoy it. Once I got clear, all was bliss again.

But then I got home, and immediately immersed myself in someone else’s problems and worked on Aubrey’s house. I didn’t make time to stop and think about Ireland even though Aubrey was urging me to take a couple of days to myself and let her do the packing. Actually, I was getting stressed again and her stress was just a cover for my own.

I can now see several things I will change the next time I head out for something like this. From a different, less stressed, perspective, it was an incredible learning experience. I would not trade it. It is embarrassing in some ways, yes, but there’s not much I can do about that.

Wonder what’s next?


“Stress makes us blind and stupid.”

                       – Steven Sashen, Quantum Wealth workbook

Truth or Lie? Can You Tell? Yes, You Can.

October 12, 2006

Back in the 80’s I discovered what I then called my “yes/no feeling.” For 20 years, I used it as a primary intuition and decision making guide.

About 6 years ago, my friend Steven Sashen showed me a new framework for it and a way to go beyond this seeming duality to a place that I call “spontaneous right action.” That is, action that is not a reaction. Not moving away. Not moving toward. Just moving as an expression of who I am.

So, if you want to find your own feeling of truth/lie, try this:

Can you remember a time when you lied to someone you loved? (We all can.)

What does it feel like in your body as you remember that? Usually somewhere between your chin and your tailbone. Most people find feelings in their torso.

Great. I usually insist people find their own feelings, but this a blog and I’m not there, so way down at the bottom of this post, I’m going to tell you what you’re *likely* to find. (NOTE 1)

Now, float any statement through your mind. Anything. Try one of your favorite negative beliefs about yourself. “I’m not good enough.” and stuff like that.

Notice how you feel. Is it in any way similar to the feeling of lying to someone you love? Highly likely that it is. Maybe in a slightly different place, maybe stronger, weaker, something, but it is likely to have the same “flavor.”

Know why?

You’re lying to someone you love… YOU.

Don’t believe me on these things. Test it with all kinds of thoughts.

And yes, there is a truth feeling. See NOTE 2 below the signature.

Run anything you believe past this.

It’s internal kinesiology, aka “muscle testing.” You’ve probably heard of and/or seen this. If not, I can tell you about that, too. Your muscles go weak in the presence of a lie or something that isn’t good for you, strong in the presence of the truth and things that are good for you. With another person, you hold out your arm and it’s either strong or weak. Testing for yourself is generally done by trying to pry apart your own fingers (with the opposite hand) held in an “OK” sign.

I like the internal version better. Less obvious to others, very clear to me.


You’re welcome to call me or get together sometime if these written suggestions aren’t enough or you’re confused or even if you’re just interested.

Also, The Work of Byron Katie is, because it is based on our own internal knowing of what’s true, much truer to me and gets me very connected and awake. Katie is awake. So are many of her students that I have met.

Awake and true are 2 different things.

Many people are awake, far more than we realize. Many of the theories and explanations of it all that come through many of these people’s personalities may or may not be true.

So. There it is.


NOTE 1: Most likely you will find some kind of contraction, tension, tightness or heaviness.

NOTE 2: It’s open, expansive, light and relaxed. Sometimes there are “truth tears,” involuntary tears. Not quite crying, just tears. Sometimes chills, tingles.