Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Brief Blurbs of Updatedness

September 15, 2009

Labor Day weekend I dunked my body into 4 hot springs in 3 days – more if you consider that Ojo Caliente has 7 pools of varying temperatures and mineral composition. The drive to and from was peaceful and relaxing, and Joy is a Joy to be with, as always.

By 11:30 this morning, I learned that my boss, who gave her notice a full 6 weeks ago, would not be back. She was trying to work through this Friday, but really… once the decision was made, 6 weeks is a *lot*. Totally don’t blame her.

I am enjoying a very odd phase of things with people right now. Tying up lots of loose ends, getting clearer with people – winning friends, losing friends over my honesty & clarity – what is it they say about that?  Something about how there is nothing really lost when someone can’t handle honesty & clarity. It’s better worded than that. I forget.

I wrote Sashen a note I’ve been meaning to write him for about 6 years, wondering if he’ll be a sounding board for me, asking to negotiate on how to do that, and requesting a referral if he doesn’t have time. His local classes are down to not even one a year, and the 8-week series on practical aspects of Quantum Wealth has not happened, so I am going to take matters into my own hands a bit more now.

I played a great scene with an old friend Sunday morning. Enjoyed the hell out of it and will never do it quite like that again. More clarity. I still want what I want. And won’t settle for less. I’d rather be single than unhappy.

My eating habits are pretty much back to something I can live with. I am still planning on some more fasting for cleansing and weight loss, but am much less susceptible to foods that hurt – and I’ve lost a chunk of weight, but still have much more to go.

What else?

I’m wishing for a bit of a larger living space, one maybe with the living room between the 2 bedrooms so that my roommate and I aren’t sharing a bedroom wall. That would be nice. Still, the rent here is wonderfully low, and lets me live really well for less. That and no car payment and I’m doing fine on that front.

Looking for a PhD that will work for making Ann’s Tale a dissertation, and maybe a different sort of book than I’ve been trying to write. Face it – I suck at telling stories. I’m too informational, too much information, too preachy. It just doesn’t come out as any kind of artfully told tale. But as a dissertation?  Something more textbookish? That’s more my thing.

The kittens are kind of in their Terrible Twos. They are 3 months old, too young to go outside on their own yet, and not till they’ve had their shots, but too old to run rampant through a small 2-bedroom condo… and doing it anyway. I will be glad when they can wear themselves out *out*side and be more placid around the plants and furniture. They *will* grow up. (Thank goodness they aren’t children – that would just take WAY too long!)

I’m totally single right now. There are always several bites on the dating sites, but so far, nothing I could sink my teeth into. No, wait, teeth would be bad. 🙂

Alright, I digress.

“We’ll be saying a big hello to all intelligent lifeforms everywhere and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together guys . ”

      -Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams

Keep those cards & letters & phone calls coming!

Love,

Stacy

 PS – Today’s latest Duhism is right in line with me… http://www.duhism.com

HHGG Quote of the Day: 

 “I seem to be having a bit of trouble with my lifestyle.”  Arthur Dent

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Just a little about my week

May 9, 2009

So far this week:

I have been talking with and sometimes seeing an ex-lover who is seriously considering suicide. He says if he makes it through the weekend, he will try to talk to someone and get help. He is seriously sleep-deprived and has promised not to do anything until he has slept. Of course, no animal sleeps when it thinks its life is threatened. It stays awake and alert till the danger passes. This might work for him.

I worked 40+ at the new job which keeps me so busy that both lunch and 5 pm come and go without my noticing. I am the Traffic Director (read: receptionist) at a mental health clinic. Many of the clients are certified. Most are on serious meds. This pays my bills so I can do my work with people whose worst problem is a relationship or a job or lack of inner peace in my spare time.   

I have “rescued” a new lover after a flat tire twice… one on his pick up truck, one on his bike. Can hardly wait to see him tonight! That story will land on another page at another time, perhaps.

I am having Chocolate Nirvana with a girlfriend around 11 am for her birthday.

I am still plugging away at getting all the info filled in on 55 Coffee Shops in the Boulder Area for my Guide.  I need help with setting it up as an ebook and selling it both online and in hard copy of some kind. Anyone?

I video chatted with an old lover who now lives in Savannah, Georgia. He has a 3-year old. Single dad. Just joined a couple of double lettered organizations in the last year:  AA and UU. 

I finally found a lover from high school that I have wondered about for years!  I LOVE Facebook.

I’m still looking for a couple more.  I never put real names in this blog, but I’m SO tempted to make an exception. There are still about a few people in this world I would absolutely love to catch up with.

Heck, one of them has a name so common I will never find him if I don’t ask diligently… Anthony Lynn Smith… from Paschal High School.  Anyone gots any ideas what happened to him? There are several others, men and women. Maybe some day they will join Facebook.

I am amazed that Joy was just here a week ago.  I have lived so much life since then.

I’d better get bathed and get ready for the Birthday Girl’s Chocolate Nirvana.

Love,

Stacy

Help me help a friend

April 14, 2009

My friend, Steven Sashen, writes:

I’ve spent the last 2.5 weeks with the most unlightened beings I’ve never met, studying his faux-losophy.

His name is Bob Tzu, and he’s the long-lost American cousin of the Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu. Lao Tzu founded Taoism. Bob Tzu teaches Duhism.

Bob says of the impractical wisdumb of Duhism: “The Duh cannot be understood by those who think.”

Meet him (and his family) yourself at www.duhism.com

(then go to www.duhism.com/help for my special plea… which, you may
get again later when I tell everyone I know about Bob and The Duh)

Oh, and PASS IT ON!

Twitter it. Facebook it. MySpace it. Blog it.

Any and all of the above.

Thanks!

Stacy

The WHAT of the WHO???

November 17, 2008

Some body hand me a trash can – quick!!!  I think I’m going to barf.

I cannot tell you how revolting I find it when someone goes off on this idealization of the “feminine” or the “goddess” or WHATEVER this is all supposed to be.

I got an email from someone I know on a list who was attempting to share a video that she says has something to do with Joe Biden having something to do with some absurd and mythical thing she called “the emergence of the goddess.”

I never got into that sort of thing – even when I was trying to learn something about tantra and so-called “sacred sexuality”  and trying to teach such things. As you recall, I got so annoyed with the whole idea and the people who were making such folderol about sex that I abandoned the entire thing – just about the time a book came out with my name on it called “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Being a Sex Goddess.”

Someone recently suggested I write a parody called “The Sex Goddess’ Guide to Being a Complete Idiot.”  Well, that would not be hard to do. I have plenty of examples right here in Boulder City.

Here is how you do it:

1.  Wear funny clothes and weird make-up that supposedly expresses your Inner Feminine – boys get to play dress-up, too. Nothing is sacred.  Try anything, especially if it is pink or purple.

2.  Prance around, preferably in a circle, and ascribe deep and serious meaning to each movement you must make in this ritual.

3.  Chant meaningless syllables.

4.  Burn incense & candles.

5.  Get so wrapped up in all this drama that you are so busy putting on a show that you couldn’t possibly be attractive to the opposite sex.

6.  Start conversations that begin with sure-fire idiocy like “Well, my teacher says . . . ” or “Have you ever had an extended orgasm?” or “Have you taken (tantra workshop, pseudo-American Indian sex workshop, fake Hindu ceremony class, etc.) ?”

7.  Next, stare deeply into the eyes of a total stranger and ask them to breathe in and out with you. The pushier you are, the better.

8.  Be sure to part by putting your hands together prayer-style and bow, saying “namaste.” Kind of puts a real inauthentic ring to the whole charade.

 

I’m not that good at parodies. This is Dawn’s forte, but this will do.

There. Got some of that out of my system. Feel much better.

You?

Stacy

Stacy’s New Rules for Dating

November 13, 2008

 

1.  No Republicans

2.  No one who voted for McCain

3.  No one who is rude or disparaging about Obama and the tough job ahead.

4.  No one who didn’t vote and is complaining.

5.  Only those who overall feel safe in the world.

6.  Only those who regularly take full responsibilty for themselves without blaming others and who, upon getting trapped into blame, know how to get out of the trap.

 

Love,

Stacy

“All You Need Is Love” – Umm, No

October 6, 2008

 

I respectfully beg to differ with the four gentlemen from Liverpool on this point.

Love is most definitely not all you need! 

If that were the case, any one of my marriages and affairs would still be going. Oh, in some sense, they are. In the *ahem* immortal words of Catherine Deneuve in “The Hunger,” “I love you!  I loved you all!”  Yes, well.

I’ve been relating and watching relationships and studying relationships all of my life.  There are, so far, about 5 couples whom I believe have the kind of relationship I would like to have – well, at least in a general sense. What I think works for them, makes the difference, is that each of them takes care of their own side of the street.

Yes, they clearly have shared interests, and I’ve seen each learn something of the other’s interests, and that is good. They seem to be able to co-habitate and decorate a home together. Love can do all of that. Sharing is really important.

I have had drama-free relationships for most of the last decade.  I like that.

There has been relatively little drama since my last marriage ended in 1996. Still, there has not been enough sharing to suit my desire for it. I described one relationship this way:  he lived on the top floor, I lived on the bottom, and we met in the middle for dinner and sex. We thought we had more in common than that. So did my ex-husband and I.

Oddly, this man I seem to have 2 generations of difference with, shares more with me than any of them did in some ways. I could totally do without the drama.  It is diminishing over time. And there is much yet to learn about each other and how that works. That will take some time, maybe a long time.

Then, if there is enough sharing, comes the important question:  how do we handle conflict?

With the 5 couples I mentioned, it appears that neither of them blames the other for their own upset – and if they find themselves doing that, they realize the fallacy of it rather quickly and get clear with each other.

That seems to work.

It’s working for me right now.

I don’t think Paul or I has a clue why we are so drawn to each other. We just are.

Is it just sexual?  Well, it could be – but somehow I don’t think so. 

Right now, the best thing I think we can do is learn to relax into this – neither pushing forward nor pulling away, and see what happens when we rest in each other – and enjoy the love while other things develop that we “need.” ***

Love,

Stacy

*** PS – I would love to have a better word for it.  Katie has it right in her book, “I Need Your Love – Is That True?”  Of course not!  We don’t “need” anything. Or we have everything we need. But you get my point. And until we coin better words for “is-ness” and “being-ness,” well, I’ll use the ones we have and caveat them.

Quote o’ the Day – John Lennon – Watching the Wheels Go Round

October 1, 2008

People say I’m crazy doing what I’m doing,
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin,
When I say that I’m o.k. they look at me kind of strange,
Surely your not happy now you no longer play the game,

People say I’m lazy dreaming my life away,
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me,
When I tell that I’m doing Fine watching shadows on the wall,
Don’t you miss the big time boy you’re no longer on the ball?

I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go,

People asking questions lost in confusion,
Well I tell them there’s no problem,
Only solutions,
Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I’ve lost my mind,
I tell them there’s no hurry…
I’m just sitting here doing time,

I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go.

Differences

September 30, 2008

Differences.

Do they trigger you like they do me sometimes?

Of course they do. You’re an ape-descended bipedal carbon-based human being, right?  (Unless, of course, Ford Prefect is reading this blog now.)

Well, why? Why do differences trigger us so much?

We falsely believe that the way to be safe is for everything to be just like us. We try to control and manipulate people and situations until they give in to us.

How’s it working for you?

If you have done even one Re-Pairing or any kind of meditation or The Work of Byron Katie, you have at least begun to see that seeming “problems” are something to look forward to. Not only do they point out the peaceful blissful reality that is all around us in a way that we can experience it firsthand, they also help to keep us out of icky picky details that aren’t all that important.

Paul and I have a lot of differences:  musical taste, style of dress, furnishings, attitudes, etc. Lots. I mean – lots! 

My best summation is that it’s as if he grew up in the 40’s and I grew up in the 60’s. 

Many of our differences fit that pattern.

So? 

Well, so what?

Yes, I want my home decorated in Celtic style forest green, brown, black and cream colors, and yes, I find multi-colored decor with too many knick-knacks disturbing and unsettling. 

Yes, I find crooners and top 40 distasteful pollution of my ear space.

Yes, plaid shirts have been out since my grandfather’s day.

The man loves me.  I love him.

There are things more important than our different generational approaches to things.

Can we find the Still Point? 

Can we find the Peaceful Place?

The place that never moves?

I think we can and I want to try.

Love,

Stacy

“Peace in our minds and in our lives is a cause-effect relationship.”

                                  – Me

Simple Treats

September 26, 2007

You know, when you do without a lot of “stuff,” simple things can be quite a treat.

For example, typing with a real, ergonomic keyboard – in my lap! On my own PC! At home! In a real house!

This time last year, I was traveling Ireland, at the end of the money I had available, frightened for no really good reason, but not able to see past the end of my nose because of the tunnel vision fear induces. I had sold the car I had been given and most of what I owned, in order to visit Ireland, my first foreign trip off the North American continent.

I learned 2 things that I would prefer to do differently next time: travel with a companion and have a fuller purse to travel with.

Reviewing the year since then, I notice that lots of big maybe’s happen in my life. I tell everyone about them as I am making my choices, and sometimes people get confused – including me.

So, this cup of lapsang souchong tea, with just the right amount of Silk French Vanilla soy creamer and maple syrup, enjoyed from my own comfy computer chair, at the desk I found by the side of the road in Atlanta, GA (another maybe that only lasted 3 months), is a simple treat.

I suspect that somewhere in Texas, a village is . . .  no, wait, what I mean to say is, somewhere in Texas, an older man is wondering why the act of calling to “congratulate” me on another of a slew of run-of-the-mill temp jobs with which I am managing to pay my bills did not land in a good spot with me. I think the reason is self-explanatory from what I have already said.

But I am happy to be near the mountains, in a warm home, with warm kitties and a lovely roommate ( who has a computer-savvy boyfriend who is the man to thank for my ability to type on this formerly defunct PC again!).

I’m just going to soak for a while in how supported and well-treated I am.

Many blessings and much love,

Stacy

“Peace in our minds and in our lives is a cause-effect relationship.”

                                   – Stacy Clark

Peace Now – Inner Peace Thoughts for 9/11

September 11, 2007

http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310

Hi,

Just in case some of you want to know about this . . .

Please Pass It On to Others!

The Call is Thursday 9/13

Do you know Gay Hendricks? He’s written over 30 best-selling transformational books — books about relationships, breathing, manifestation, even golf!

Gay is are offering an upcoming teleclass that I’d like to invite you to attend at no charge.

http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310

Here’s Gay’s message about the class:

   When I was in Boulder recently, I had dinner with an old friend,    Steven Sashen. He’s one of the best “system thinkers” I know. If you want to know what REALLY makes something work, or how to make something more powerful or efficient, he’s your guy. He and I are teaming up on a new meditation course that will be offered via teleseminar.

   Steven is a longtime meditator. And when he turned his systems-thinking scope on meditation he discovered something that truly impressed me, a set of insights and practices that I wish I’d had 30 years ago. (Some of you know that I’m a longtime  meditator–in fact, I haven’t missed a day of meditation since 1973. So, anything that fine-tunes meditation is right up my alley.)

   If I’d had Steven’s insights and techniques, I think it would have accelerated my practice and my spiritual growth by years. He’s taken people who are new to meditation or who couldn’t make it work  for them – he’s even worked with teenagers and homeless people–and after just a few minutes of instruction, they’ve had experiences of peace, and deep spiritual insights that take most meditators decades to find.

   Steven’s techniques work well for advanced meditators, too. If you already have a meditation or spiritual practice, you can make an almost instant leap to a new depth and expansion.

   With Steven’s techniques you don’t need to stop (or even slow down) your thoughts and you don’t need to take time out from your busy schedule. You can do them practically anywhere.

   I could tell you more, it would be better for you to experience it yourself. So, I’ve arranged a way for you to do that.

       Go to http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310
  
   When you get to the site, fill out the registration form and I’ll let you know about an upcoming free teleclass where you can discover for yourself how easily you can find deep body relaxation, greatly expanded awareness, and real inner-peace…even while the kids are demanding your attention or work is getting nuts.

   I hope you’ll join me for this new and exciting opportunity,

   Gay Hendricks

http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310

The teleclass is going to be really fun and interesting and there’s a chance to get a $400 gift. I hope you can make it, too.

presented by Garuda, Inc.

Have fun!

Love,
Stacy

“It is no sign of mental health to be well-adjusted to an insane world.”

                 The Dalai Lama