Archive for the ‘Safe’ Category

Stacy’s New Rules for Dating

November 13, 2008

 

1.  No Republicans

2.  No one who voted for McCain

3.  No one who is rude or disparaging about Obama and the tough job ahead.

4.  No one who didn’t vote and is complaining.

5.  Only those who overall feel safe in the world.

6.  Only those who regularly take full responsibilty for themselves without blaming others and who, upon getting trapped into blame, know how to get out of the trap.

 

Love,

Stacy

Advertisements

Peace Now – Inner Peace Thoughts for 9/11

September 11, 2007

http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310

Hi,

Just in case some of you want to know about this . . .

Please Pass It On to Others!

The Call is Thursday 9/13

Do you know Gay Hendricks? He’s written over 30 best-selling transformational books — books about relationships, breathing, manifestation, even golf!

Gay is are offering an upcoming teleclass that I’d like to invite you to attend at no charge.

http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310

Here’s Gay’s message about the class:

   When I was in Boulder recently, I had dinner with an old friend,    Steven Sashen. He’s one of the best “system thinkers” I know. If you want to know what REALLY makes something work, or how to make something more powerful or efficient, he’s your guy. He and I are teaming up on a new meditation course that will be offered via teleseminar.

   Steven is a longtime meditator. And when he turned his systems-thinking scope on meditation he discovered something that truly impressed me, a set of insights and practices that I wish I’d had 30 years ago. (Some of you know that I’m a longtime  meditator–in fact, I haven’t missed a day of meditation since 1973. So, anything that fine-tunes meditation is right up my alley.)

   If I’d had Steven’s insights and techniques, I think it would have accelerated my practice and my spiritual growth by years. He’s taken people who are new to meditation or who couldn’t make it work  for them – he’s even worked with teenagers and homeless people–and after just a few minutes of instruction, they’ve had experiences of peace, and deep spiritual insights that take most meditators decades to find.

   Steven’s techniques work well for advanced meditators, too. If you already have a meditation or spiritual practice, you can make an almost instant leap to a new depth and expansion.

   With Steven’s techniques you don’t need to stop (or even slow down) your thoughts and you don’t need to take time out from your busy schedule. You can do them practically anywhere.

   I could tell you more, it would be better for you to experience it yourself. So, I’ve arranged a way for you to do that.

       Go to http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310
  
   When you get to the site, fill out the registration form and I’ll let you know about an upcoming free teleclass where you can discover for yourself how easily you can find deep body relaxation, greatly expanded awareness, and real inner-peace…even while the kids are demanding your attention or work is getting nuts.

   I hope you’ll join me for this new and exciting opportunity,

   Gay Hendricks

http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310

The teleclass is going to be really fun and interesting and there’s a chance to get a $400 gift. I hope you can make it, too.

presented by Garuda, Inc.

Have fun!

Love,
Stacy

“It is no sign of mental health to be well-adjusted to an insane world.”

                 The Dalai Lama

What to do?

June 20, 2007

“If you don’t know, it’s not time.”

I heard Donald Epstein say this at a Network Chiropractic Transformational Gate in the 90’s. However, I believe he may have been quoting Ashleigh Brilliant.

In any case, it makes sense.

I mean, what would you do if a man you had not seen in 32 years, who could recount the specific details of the first and last times he ever saw you, and who had been looking for you all that time, suddenly showed up in your email inviting you to visit him?

Well, of course, I visited him.

Hmm. Liked him, with some reservations.

He is in a searching place, spiritually and emotionally. He’s looking for things I’ve found and things I often share with others both personally and professionally.

He’s my age, has 2 children, lives 1200 miles away and his hair is short.

I’ve used all of those as firm dealbreakers. But I like him, one child is about to turn 18, the other is 13 and lives with his mother. He’s willing to move and grow at least a ponytail worth of hair.

He’s taking pretty well to my lifestyle and spirituality, and it is all very new to him.

Hmm.

He’s a Priest Sage and there’s a ton of Romantic Mythology going on – the built up fantasies of 35 years. He was a very late bloomer. His success is professional. Mine is personal.

We can talk for hours. I wonder how long that will last?

It’s very romantic. The story would make a great movie.

But in real life I can’t tie up the plot neatly in a short period of time.

I’ll try to stay in touch about it.

Love,

Stacy

“It’s gonna take time, a whole lot of precious time.

 It’s gonna take patience and time,

 To do it, to do it, to do it right, child.”

                                 – George Harrison

 

Brunch is Good – Life is Good

March 20, 2007

I had the most amazing weekend.

Friday night, Russ, a man I’ve just met, invited me to his place to see how we are as lovers. We’re good, but we are both the type of person who want a full 100% loving monogamous relationship to really let go and be present.

He really brought that home to me by noticing it in himself.

Saturday I spent unpacking some more, then I went to a friend’s home to watch a movie. “Light romantic comedy” they told me. So I cried my eyes out through the whole thing.

Why?

My date Friday night is the closest I’ve ever been to a man I would marry, and still isn’t it. It was a big huge opening and growing experience for me.

It was a relief when the Sunday Brunch table was full of people I feel I can be myself with, friends, teachers, and ex-lovers.

I am very close with lovers and ex-lovers who are now friends. That added to the comfort in the room for me. Cricket and Kerry did show up, which I had hoped they would. Cricket had been staying away because I was not yet ready to be comfortable around Kerry. I spent a fair amount of time chatting with her.

So, Kathryn was at brunch. I met her about 3 weeks ago. Alec brought her with him. He introduced us, saying, “You two have to talk. You have a lot in common.”  I intuitively knew he meant she had some interest in sexual healing work by the way he said it. 

We had dinner together the next night and she shared her vision of what we are currently calling a spiritual center. I saw Kathryn do a dance perfomance a couple of weeks ago that was one of the most amazing I’ve ever seen, and very sensual.

I asked what she was doing after brunch, and we went shopping for a location for our center and talked about a sexual healing conference I may be going to with her. She was in her doubts, and asked me things like, “Do I have to do this?” I kept reassuring her that no, she does not have to do anything. She can stop now. Stop in the middle. Stop whenever she likes. It seems to be one of my functions in the world to assure people they have a choice. We do not intend this spiritual center to be anything sexual. We’re not talking about doing dakini work or surrogacy work. We aren’t quite sure how to set it up, but there is something there and we are moving towards it to see what it will be.

I warned her that next time it could be me asking, “Do I have to do this?”

We have both abandoned this work and both feel drawn back into it. Opportunities keep flying in the window after we bar the door. 

Then I went to Steven’s for the meditation class and recording session. It was a small, but deep group. I basically spent the afternoon high as a kite and let myself snuggle with a friend on the couch while we meditated. We went to dinner. He even gave me his hat! It was fun and the affection was just what the doctor ordered to complete my weekend.

I went home and slept like a baby.

Monday night I got clear with Russ that neither of us wants sex in anything but a 100% committed long term relationship. He figured it out as being true for him, then ever so politely pointed out serious contradictions in me and my behavior that might indicate that I’m like that, too.

I know that. I’ve been through this before. I just despair of finding a true fit. And yet I know that it’s possible. There is more self-exploration and relaxing into it to do.

Some Work of Byron Katie, etc.

I also called my Qi Gong teacher. Class is tomorrow at 6. It is traditional to begin with 100 days of sexual abstinence. Last time I made it 40 days and experienced some awesome and very specific sexual healing. We’ll see how it goes.

Love,
Stacy

My Letter to Becky

February 19, 2007

I knew that my appreciation of what Becky said to me yesterday (see yesterday’s blog first and this one makes more sense) about how when she has a relationship with me she has a relationship with everyone might bother her. She thinks it is a bad thing. I don’t. So, she wrote me a nasty note about how awful it was and she was sorry she was talking to me and what a waste of time it was. Then, a few hours later wrote and apologized for flying off the handle, but saying she still could not be friends.

Here is my reply:  

Dear Becky,

1.  I am not an enemy.

2.  I am not your mother.

3.  I cannot hurt you.

4.  We are not separate.

5.  We are one.

Separating ourselves, distancing, has never helped me to heal in the long run. It only recreates the “fall of man,” the illusion that anyone can be separate from God, echoed in appearing to be separate from each other.

Temporarily, it may give me the sense of safety that I am not finding when I am with a person who triggers me. Okay, for a while.

Eventually, when this sort of thing comes up for me, I want to feel safe and loved in that person’s presence. (Ideally, no matter what they are doing or saying or not doing and not saying.)

If the person was never a friend, and we don’t have common interests, we may not see each other a lot even when that healing occurs. Such is the case with my father. He can barely trigger me at all most of the time. We just don’t have a lot in common and live 800 miles apart. I talk to him about once a month on the phone.

But you were once a friend. We once shared some of my (our?) deepest interests with each other. Then we reached a place where your safety seemed to depend on silence and separation and mine seemed to depend on speaking and union. We defend ourselves in opposite ways. You have told me before to say whatever I need to say to whomever.

I held silence for you for most of the past 2 years because I love you, and because I saw that as the only way that there would ever be any possibility of healing between us – if I shut up and went away for a while. That’s what Jake and Jared told me might help.

It is not easy for me. It was a constant strain, especially at first. Now it’s become a bit of a habit. I don’t pick up the phone to share with you when I’m excited about something you would resonate with or understand, much less when I am upset and would value your insights. I don’t even speak much when I sit next to you at a party.

I hope to heal that.

My healing shows up when I don’t feel I’m “holding silence” and it is not a strain, but relaxed. I’ll get clearer with that part. I’m sure that it doesn’t help you feel safe when it feels to you like I’m constantly bursting with things I want to say.

Becky, we can heal this. Please don’t walk away. Please help me find a balance that really works for both of us.

I hold the possibility for renewed friendship in any moment we are together, even in my thoughts.

I don’t offer myself or my friendship overtly to you anymore. I do try to hold myself ready to respond to any slight offer you make. I thought that was what happened at Amante. I thought you opened a door when you told me I had triggered survival fears relating to your mother and triangulation. I respect that. I know what it’s like to feel I’m going to die or be hurt around someone who reminds me of a parent or situation that does not feel safe. (to me or to themselves)

It did feel good to speak for a couple of days and say the things I’ve held for so long. Thank you. And I’m sorry it triggered you.

That’s as much vulnerability as I can find right now and I don’t know how it is coming across in print. 

I wanted your friendship, Becky. I can live without it. It is neither my first choice, nor my ideal world to do so.

(end of letter to Becky)

I could send this same letter to about 4 women in my life who have responded the same way Becky did. Three of them are Libras. One is a Taurus.

I’m going to do a Worksheet (Work of Byron Katie) on this and see what’s in there for me.

I may post it here when I’m done.

Love,

Stacy