Archive for the ‘The Work of Byron Katie’ Category

Fight, Flight or Freeze? Clearly, I Freeze Under Stress

April 5, 2016

 

IMAG6210

“There is nothing to fear.” ~ A Course in Miracles

Calligraphy by my sister, Amy.

 

I could be wrong, but I believe I may be emerging from the longest most frozen freeze response I have experienced in my life to date.

Yes, that’s a lot of hedging, but I am not sure and I don’t want to make grandiose statements and promises about this. I’ve been really stuck for a long, long time.  At least, 2 years, if not more.

In that time, I’ve been single and dating no one for the longest span of time to date. I left a job. I moved to the dry desert & brown adobe world of Santa Fe, NM.  (Right thing to do at the time. Wrong place for me long term.) I have spent most of my days at home. I go out some, to coffee shops & Meet Ups, but not a lot. I am not on the phone much.  Me?  Not on the phone?

Instead, I hang out on Facebook.

I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. In fact, it’s been great for me. I am the most active admin on a very good group for doing the practice called, “The Work of Byron Katie.” I chat and relate to people from China to India to Australia to Canada – and nearly every state in the Union.

I get to communicate!  And yes, that’s still pretty much what I live for – and to serve.

I take online classes.

That has been a whole new form of education for me. I deeply miss the in-person classroom, sitting at the front and raising my hand to answer all the questions.  No doubt about it – I prefer in-person classes.  Still, I did a lot of my master’s in psychology and almost all of my doctoral work in education online.

So, it’s not like I’m doing absolutely nothing.  I do stuff. I just do it from my couch online.

Still, it has been a form of the freeze response.

“Freeze” was added to the “fight or flight” idea decades ago. More recently added are “fidget” and “faint.”

Well, I tend to freeze.

I seem to have something like fibromyalgia (which tells us nothing – it means pain in the tendons – it is merely a description). I believe that the pain in my tendons and joints is a result of consistent lifetime freezing.

I was first aware of it around the age of 11. When I walked to school, only a mile away, my calves cramped severely. I told Mother about it, and she said, “You’ll get used to it.” I’m sure she thought it was just muscles working out the way they should.  It was not.

I’m 56 now. That was 45 years ago. Except for a few months about 10 years ago when I did work up to walking in the mountains about 45 minutes a day, it hasn’t gone away.  Rather, I have pain like that in every part of my body.

And please, don’t try to tell me I should just work out. Doing that can put me in bed for 3 days, unable to move, with pain that ibuprofen and aspirin cannot touch.

But not always, that’s true.

I have no idea when it does and when it doesn’t. It has something to do with how acidic my diet is. And how much caffeine, vinegar, potatoes, tomatoes, peppers, vinegar, wheat, milk products, and so many other trigger foods I have eaten.

It also has to do with fear & childhood trauma.

I froze.

I’ve been relentlessly pursuing ways to thaw since at least 1985, when I was 25 years old. They have all helped.

Now, I’m learning TRE, Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercise. Find information on that here:  http://traumaprevention.com/

It’s a way to get the body to shake, the way an animal shakes, to release fear chemicals. It is not known exactly how it works. But it seems to help.

I couldn’t say for certain whether my recent feeling of thawing is attributable to TRE, hot baths, breathwork, The Work of Byron Katie, Mars & Pluto stationing retrograde or simply Spring.

I don’t really care which it is – except that if it’s some of those things I’m doing, I will want to keep doing it. I think TRE, being the newer thing, is somewhat responsible for the change.

I do know that this is my first blog in about 2 years. Blogs are fun. I like writing them. If you liked reading it, please Comment.

I like to co-mmunicate – that means “with.”  With you!

Much love,

Stacy

Oh, if you want to learn some of these things from me, particularly The Work, let me know. I’d love to help.

 

Yes, We Can! Where Do I Start?

November 19, 2008

I got the article link below from a close friend, a man who bailed me out of my own economic recession about 5 years ago, inviting me to trade cooking for rent while I figured out what to do next. (Thank you for that.)

http://www.fool.com/investing/value/2008/11/18/weve-got-nothing.aspx

I replied to all that I tend to agree. We don’t see how yet, but an attitude of “Yes, We Can!” will take us a lot farther than pessimism and resignation. Remember the childhood truism, “can’t never could?” 

I’ve been coasting for a few years, not quite knowing what to do.

That’s not quite true.

I’ve been coasting with temporary jobs, that’s true enough. That has almost kept my bills paid. Nothing extra, but I have a place to live and food to eat.  I was able to buy a $650 car, and I bought a $600 laptop courtesy of our economic stimulus payment – because having a good laptop is likely to help me stimulate both my personal economy and the larger economy.  One of my skills is writing. Sometimes I even get paid for that.

While I’ve been treading water job-wise, I’ve been unraveling all kinds of other things.

My entire view of the world has shifted substantially. A decade ago, I started saying that I no longer had “beliefs,” that I tend to have “experiences.” For longer than that, the idea of “god” has been an optional concept – now I find that it actually holds me back. So did astrology, feng shui, affirmatons, manifrustration (err, manifestation ***) and more.

Optimist that I am, I think that as people start to question things like “The Secret” and other superstitious ideas that are not working, maybe a few will find a firmer foundation for thinking and decision-making.  Of course, then we have to wonder whether “we” actually “make” “our decisions.”   That’s a whole ‘nother question. 

(See The User Illusion by Tor Norretranders and Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert, and On Being Certain: Believing You Are Right Even When You Are Wrong by Robert A. Burton.) 

I’m thrilled. I see things a lot more clearly now than ever.

I’m sure there is more – and I can hardly wait to find a truer way of experiencing anything that I’m lying to myself and others about. I’m less afraid of finding other places where I’ve been certain – but dead wrong.

In the wake of “Yes, We Can!” I am now asking, “Where Do I Start?”

With myself, of course, my thinking, my choices.

I’d like to put this value I have found to work helping others who are ready to discover the truth and the clarity that comes from questioning our thoughts, dropping our tensions and re-pairing seeming opposites in our thinking.

I’m almost glad that I have not been counseling or teaching much this past decade. I would have been misleading people a *lot*. It’s a good thing I didn’t finish the ministry program with University of Creation Spirituality, now Wisdom University. Even Graduate Theological Union may no longer be a fit, though the community near Berkeley might still be one I’d like.

I look forward to finding asnwers to “Where Do I Start?”

And you?

*** http://sashen.com/blog/49/manifrustration/

In fact, read any and all of these blogs – they counter a LOT of magical thinking errors that the “new age” community and others have been making for ohh. . . centuries.

And check out www.thework.com to learn the 4 questions and Turn Around that have been part of helping me to see where I’ve been lying to myself.

Love,

Stacy

“Success is a side-effect of clarity.”

            – Steven Sashen, The Anti-Guru, www.sashen.com

“Reality is kinder than your thinking – but only always.”

             – Byron Katie, www.thework.com

“All You Need Is Love” – Umm, No

October 6, 2008

 

I respectfully beg to differ with the four gentlemen from Liverpool on this point.

Love is most definitely not all you need! 

If that were the case, any one of my marriages and affairs would still be going. Oh, in some sense, they are. In the *ahem* immortal words of Catherine Deneuve in “The Hunger,” “I love you!  I loved you all!”  Yes, well.

I’ve been relating and watching relationships and studying relationships all of my life.  There are, so far, about 5 couples whom I believe have the kind of relationship I would like to have – well, at least in a general sense. What I think works for them, makes the difference, is that each of them takes care of their own side of the street.

Yes, they clearly have shared interests, and I’ve seen each learn something of the other’s interests, and that is good. They seem to be able to co-habitate and decorate a home together. Love can do all of that. Sharing is really important.

I have had drama-free relationships for most of the last decade.  I like that.

There has been relatively little drama since my last marriage ended in 1996. Still, there has not been enough sharing to suit my desire for it. I described one relationship this way:  he lived on the top floor, I lived on the bottom, and we met in the middle for dinner and sex. We thought we had more in common than that. So did my ex-husband and I.

Oddly, this man I seem to have 2 generations of difference with, shares more with me than any of them did in some ways. I could totally do without the drama.  It is diminishing over time. And there is much yet to learn about each other and how that works. That will take some time, maybe a long time.

Then, if there is enough sharing, comes the important question:  how do we handle conflict?

With the 5 couples I mentioned, it appears that neither of them blames the other for their own upset – and if they find themselves doing that, they realize the fallacy of it rather quickly and get clear with each other.

That seems to work.

It’s working for me right now.

I don’t think Paul or I has a clue why we are so drawn to each other. We just are.

Is it just sexual?  Well, it could be – but somehow I don’t think so. 

Right now, the best thing I think we can do is learn to relax into this – neither pushing forward nor pulling away, and see what happens when we rest in each other – and enjoy the love while other things develop that we “need.” ***

Love,

Stacy

*** PS – I would love to have a better word for it.  Katie has it right in her book, “I Need Your Love – Is That True?”  Of course not!  We don’t “need” anything. Or we have everything we need. But you get my point. And until we coin better words for “is-ness” and “being-ness,” well, I’ll use the ones we have and caveat them.

Differences

September 30, 2008

Differences.

Do they trigger you like they do me sometimes?

Of course they do. You’re an ape-descended bipedal carbon-based human being, right?  (Unless, of course, Ford Prefect is reading this blog now.)

Well, why? Why do differences trigger us so much?

We falsely believe that the way to be safe is for everything to be just like us. We try to control and manipulate people and situations until they give in to us.

How’s it working for you?

If you have done even one Re-Pairing or any kind of meditation or The Work of Byron Katie, you have at least begun to see that seeming “problems” are something to look forward to. Not only do they point out the peaceful blissful reality that is all around us in a way that we can experience it firsthand, they also help to keep us out of icky picky details that aren’t all that important.

Paul and I have a lot of differences:  musical taste, style of dress, furnishings, attitudes, etc. Lots. I mean – lots! 

My best summation is that it’s as if he grew up in the 40’s and I grew up in the 60’s. 

Many of our differences fit that pattern.

So? 

Well, so what?

Yes, I want my home decorated in Celtic style forest green, brown, black and cream colors, and yes, I find multi-colored decor with too many knick-knacks disturbing and unsettling. 

Yes, I find crooners and top 40 distasteful pollution of my ear space.

Yes, plaid shirts have been out since my grandfather’s day.

The man loves me.  I love him.

There are things more important than our different generational approaches to things.

Can we find the Still Point? 

Can we find the Peaceful Place?

The place that never moves?

I think we can and I want to try.

Love,

Stacy

“Peace in our minds and in our lives is a cause-effect relationship.”

                                  – Me

Regarding the Email “Why Women Should Vote”

September 4, 2008

This morning I received an email of the text and photos you will find at the following link:

http://gwenny.newsvine.com/_news/2008/09/03/1821413-why-women-should-vote

It begins:

“This is the story of our Grandmothers and Great-grandmothers; they lived only 90 years ago.

Remember, it was not until 1920 that women were granted the right to go to the polls and vote.

The women were innocent and defenseless, but they were jailed nonetheless for picketing the White House, carrying signs asking for the vote. ”

You can stop there if you want. Or you can read the rest of it and see the photos here:

http://gwenny.newsvine.com/_news/2008/09/03/1821413-why-women-should-vote

I sent it out to my personal email list with this introduction:

Okay, the fallacy here is that we should vote because someone else suffered in order to get the privilege.
 
That isn’t true.
 
If it were, then if you suffer for getting women the privilege of snowshoeing in Alaska, then I should get myself to Alaska post haste and start snowshoeing my little heart out – NOT. 

 (Logic – a fine thing.)  

However, the story is interesting and I did not know a lot of this.

http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/  will explain many logical fallacies and give you examples that make them quite clear.

One of my friends, a wonderful woman, replied to me:

“Interesting point, Miss Stacy.  I think I might agree with you.
 
On the other hand, I get what this person is saying.  I ask: is it misguided to appreciate and recognize the efforts of women who went before us?
 
The word “should”, as you used it, sticks out in my mind.  Personally, “should” brings to my mind images of finger-wagging and clucking, nagging, maybe even guilt-tripping.  (And for the record, these are clearly *my* issues.  :>)  A guide pointing out the hard road someone took to get somewhere feels OK.  Using that example to strong-arm me into action, I feel slightly ornery.
 
Perhaps the real operative concept is choice.  We now have the choice of voting, or not voting.  I can imagine people who’ve had relatives die and get hurt to fight for us to have choices might feel that it’s a gift that we can repay by exercising the right.  But I’d rather exercise the choice.  Women fought for the right to do all sorts of jobs that men were allowed to do; good for them.  I appreciate the right.  But as much as I value having the choice to work a construction job, I’d not choose it.
 
Just some thoughts, random as they are.  Thanks for sending this along.”

She’s right. “Should” is in the title, “Why Women Should Vote.”  I have no idea whatsoever what anyone (male or female) should or shouldn’t do. They should do what they do. That’s all. (Thank you, Byron Katie and Steven Sashen.)

Wouldn’t it be refreshingly honest for someone to say, “I want you to do the same thing I do, believe the same thing I believe, because then I will get my way?” 

It is truer.

In fact, what is truer than that is that whoever is proposing this “should” thinks that they will be happier in the future if others follow their “should.” So, they stress and express and distress trying to get other people all stirred up to agree and go along and give them this imaginary future in which their fantasy of being happier will come true.

That’s one of the reasons I’m not as concerned, maybe not concerned in the same way, about the election as some people are. I am happy now. I am likely to be happy in the future. If I am unhappy, I might question my thoughts. Then again, I might just enjoy being unhappy until happy rolls around again. Doesn’t matter.

I can’t make myself believe that how other people vote or who is in office is going to substantially affect my future happiness. If you do, then feel free to go through the same questioning processes I did to find out otherwise, and see what you find out. It might be different. I don’t know. 

Oh, that would be The Work of Byron Katie. You can find instructions on how to “Do the Work” at http://www.thework.com.  Totally up to you. It’s just an easy form in which to check this stuff.

Happy either happens now or it doesn’t happen at all. 

Seriously.

Try being happy yesterday – go ahead. Get on that!  Hurry up!

Try being happy tomorrow – c’mon. Do it! Well?  Are you there yet?

Well, you can’t you see. We’re not built that way.

It is far more effective to notice we are happy now.  (Umm, that one is Zooming in on Peace, one of Steven’s IAM Meditations.  Ann describes it on her page. See link on the right.) 

I don’t know what else to tell you.

Vote. Don’t vote.

Be happy. Don’t be happy.

It’s really all the same.

Oh heck!  That is Re-Paring the Universe, another IAM Meditation.  Seems I can’t hardly type about these without those being the most obvious next thought sometimes.

Well, in any case.

“Do whatever you do. Everything works.”  – Jim Leonard & Phil Laut

Love,

Stacy

Peace Now – Inner Peace Thoughts for 9/11

September 11, 2007

http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310

Hi,

Just in case some of you want to know about this . . .

Please Pass It On to Others!

The Call is Thursday 9/13

Do you know Gay Hendricks? He’s written over 30 best-selling transformational books — books about relationships, breathing, manifestation, even golf!

Gay is are offering an upcoming teleclass that I’d like to invite you to attend at no charge.

http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310

Here’s Gay’s message about the class:

   When I was in Boulder recently, I had dinner with an old friend,    Steven Sashen. He’s one of the best “system thinkers” I know. If you want to know what REALLY makes something work, or how to make something more powerful or efficient, he’s your guy. He and I are teaming up on a new meditation course that will be offered via teleseminar.

   Steven is a longtime meditator. And when he turned his systems-thinking scope on meditation he discovered something that truly impressed me, a set of insights and practices that I wish I’d had 30 years ago. (Some of you know that I’m a longtime  meditator–in fact, I haven’t missed a day of meditation since 1973. So, anything that fine-tunes meditation is right up my alley.)

   If I’d had Steven’s insights and techniques, I think it would have accelerated my practice and my spiritual growth by years. He’s taken people who are new to meditation or who couldn’t make it work  for them – he’s even worked with teenagers and homeless people–and after just a few minutes of instruction, they’ve had experiences of peace, and deep spiritual insights that take most meditators decades to find.

   Steven’s techniques work well for advanced meditators, too. If you already have a meditation or spiritual practice, you can make an almost instant leap to a new depth and expansion.

   With Steven’s techniques you don’t need to stop (or even slow down) your thoughts and you don’t need to take time out from your busy schedule. You can do them practically anywhere.

   I could tell you more, it would be better for you to experience it yourself. So, I’ve arranged a way for you to do that.

       Go to http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310
  
   When you get to the site, fill out the registration form and I’ll let you know about an upcoming free teleclass where you can discover for yourself how easily you can find deep body relaxation, greatly expanded awareness, and real inner-peace…even while the kids are demanding your attention or work is getting nuts.

   I hope you’ll join me for this new and exciting opportunity,

   Gay Hendricks

http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310

The teleclass is going to be really fun and interesting and there’s a chance to get a $400 gift. I hope you can make it, too.

presented by Garuda, Inc.

Have fun!

Love,
Stacy

“It is no sign of mental health to be well-adjusted to an insane world.”

                 The Dalai Lama

What to do?

June 20, 2007

“If you don’t know, it’s not time.”

I heard Donald Epstein say this at a Network Chiropractic Transformational Gate in the 90’s. However, I believe he may have been quoting Ashleigh Brilliant.

In any case, it makes sense.

I mean, what would you do if a man you had not seen in 32 years, who could recount the specific details of the first and last times he ever saw you, and who had been looking for you all that time, suddenly showed up in your email inviting you to visit him?

Well, of course, I visited him.

Hmm. Liked him, with some reservations.

He is in a searching place, spiritually and emotionally. He’s looking for things I’ve found and things I often share with others both personally and professionally.

He’s my age, has 2 children, lives 1200 miles away and his hair is short.

I’ve used all of those as firm dealbreakers. But I like him, one child is about to turn 18, the other is 13 and lives with his mother. He’s willing to move and grow at least a ponytail worth of hair.

He’s taking pretty well to my lifestyle and spirituality, and it is all very new to him.

Hmm.

He’s a Priest Sage and there’s a ton of Romantic Mythology going on – the built up fantasies of 35 years. He was a very late bloomer. His success is professional. Mine is personal.

We can talk for hours. I wonder how long that will last?

It’s very romantic. The story would make a great movie.

But in real life I can’t tie up the plot neatly in a short period of time.

I’ll try to stay in touch about it.

Love,

Stacy

“It’s gonna take time, a whole lot of precious time.

 It’s gonna take patience and time,

 To do it, to do it, to do it right, child.”

                                 – George Harrison

 

Friend’s Blogs

April 12, 2007

Hi y’all,

You know, I write blogs, but I only read a few of them.

My favorite is Steven Sashen’s Anti-Guru Blog. He only writes about once a month, but he is hilarious and true. He’s also the author of the IAM meditations.

http://sashen.com/blog/

http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391

He’s not against gurus. He says he’s against being one. I know what he means – he doesn’t want to be “followed,” but the man is an inspiring and very entertaining teacher.

Then there’s my friend, Ann O’Johnson. She has been blogging every day for a while. Used to be about 1-3 times a week. She’s working out some things in her own life that a lot of people can relate to.

http://annojohnson.wordpress.com

And finally, I sporadically read Anachronista’s blog:

http://anachronista.blogspot.com/

She’s into SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism), middle eastern dance and a lot of artsy craftsy stuff.

Oh, nearly forgot KC…

www.myspace.com/foreverkc

She’s studying to be a minister. We’ve known each other all our lives.

So, since I’m not writing so much right now, check out my friends.

Love,

Stacy

My Letter to Becky

February 19, 2007

I knew that my appreciation of what Becky said to me yesterday (see yesterday’s blog first and this one makes more sense) about how when she has a relationship with me she has a relationship with everyone might bother her. She thinks it is a bad thing. I don’t. So, she wrote me a nasty note about how awful it was and she was sorry she was talking to me and what a waste of time it was. Then, a few hours later wrote and apologized for flying off the handle, but saying she still could not be friends.

Here is my reply:  

Dear Becky,

1.  I am not an enemy.

2.  I am not your mother.

3.  I cannot hurt you.

4.  We are not separate.

5.  We are one.

Separating ourselves, distancing, has never helped me to heal in the long run. It only recreates the “fall of man,” the illusion that anyone can be separate from God, echoed in appearing to be separate from each other.

Temporarily, it may give me the sense of safety that I am not finding when I am with a person who triggers me. Okay, for a while.

Eventually, when this sort of thing comes up for me, I want to feel safe and loved in that person’s presence. (Ideally, no matter what they are doing or saying or not doing and not saying.)

If the person was never a friend, and we don’t have common interests, we may not see each other a lot even when that healing occurs. Such is the case with my father. He can barely trigger me at all most of the time. We just don’t have a lot in common and live 800 miles apart. I talk to him about once a month on the phone.

But you were once a friend. We once shared some of my (our?) deepest interests with each other. Then we reached a place where your safety seemed to depend on silence and separation and mine seemed to depend on speaking and union. We defend ourselves in opposite ways. You have told me before to say whatever I need to say to whomever.

I held silence for you for most of the past 2 years because I love you, and because I saw that as the only way that there would ever be any possibility of healing between us – if I shut up and went away for a while. That’s what Jake and Jared told me might help.

It is not easy for me. It was a constant strain, especially at first. Now it’s become a bit of a habit. I don’t pick up the phone to share with you when I’m excited about something you would resonate with or understand, much less when I am upset and would value your insights. I don’t even speak much when I sit next to you at a party.

I hope to heal that.

My healing shows up when I don’t feel I’m “holding silence” and it is not a strain, but relaxed. I’ll get clearer with that part. I’m sure that it doesn’t help you feel safe when it feels to you like I’m constantly bursting with things I want to say.

Becky, we can heal this. Please don’t walk away. Please help me find a balance that really works for both of us.

I hold the possibility for renewed friendship in any moment we are together, even in my thoughts.

I don’t offer myself or my friendship overtly to you anymore. I do try to hold myself ready to respond to any slight offer you make. I thought that was what happened at Amante. I thought you opened a door when you told me I had triggered survival fears relating to your mother and triangulation. I respect that. I know what it’s like to feel I’m going to die or be hurt around someone who reminds me of a parent or situation that does not feel safe. (to me or to themselves)

It did feel good to speak for a couple of days and say the things I’ve held for so long. Thank you. And I’m sorry it triggered you.

That’s as much vulnerability as I can find right now and I don’t know how it is coming across in print. 

I wanted your friendship, Becky. I can live without it. It is neither my first choice, nor my ideal world to do so.

(end of letter to Becky)

I could send this same letter to about 4 women in my life who have responded the same way Becky did. Three of them are Libras. One is a Taurus.

I’m going to do a Worksheet (Work of Byron Katie) on this and see what’s in there for me.

I may post it here when I’m done.

Love,

Stacy

All One

February 18, 2007

I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that I want. It said, “All One.”

Wouldn’t that be a beautiful world to work toward? No?

All One… that’s GOD, y’all!

Spider Robinson goes into this in most, if not all, of his books. Especially read “Time Pressure” if you have trouble with the idea of strangers knowing about you.

Today Becky, someone I used to be fairly close to, said one of the most wonderful things anyone has ever said to me or about me:

  “When I have a close relationship with you I have a relationship with everybody”

I love that and hope it is true. 

Yes, I took that out of context. She was complaining that I might say something about her to other friends of mine that she did not know. Her complete sentence was:

“When I have a close relationship with you I have a relationship with everybody – potentially people I don’t know, people with varying agendas or biases, varying
worldviews, etc.”

It’s true no matter where I put the period.  

I can’t find a problem with her or you or anyone else talking about me to others and thereby creating a relationship for me with someone I “don’t know.”

That one is a little tricky. In a way, I know everybody. So do you. They’re all you, or all me or whatever that is.

Sure, we’re not always aware of that place. We’re often in the black/white, right/wrong, you/me, us/them of this beautiful creative dual world. Okay. So?

I know that I have a really different take on these things than most people do. Frankly, it is one of my most precious gifts and something I cherish about myself. I can be sad sometimes when a former close friend like Becky chooses to distance herself (seem to distance herself) from me out of what looks like fear or separation or something. (I don’t really know. I’m not in her head, but that’s how it looks from what seems to be “out here.”)

I ran into this same thing with another friend. Well, he’s an ex-lover, but I’m not supposed to say that. No wait, I can say that part. It gets all confusing for me when I have to remember what I can and cannot say. I loved my ex-husband, Marvin, for completely agreeing with me about just sticking to the truth and not worrying about who we could say what to. That really worked for me. Totally.

Anyway, this lover’s name is Cricket. Well, that’s what I call him. Anyway, I’m about to go to some parties where he will know more people than I do. It’s a group he’s been hanging out with for a couple of years. One of my friends invited me, and I decided it was worth it for many reasons.

Remember the “Medieval Girl” blog?  It was right before this one.

This group has guys with long hair! I just have to go and see if I might have anything in common with them. Or the women, for that matter. Maybe people with similar interests. I’d love it if they do.

So, Cricket writes me and says, “my personal life is private.” I replied and said, “My personal life is public” and asked how he wants me to handle this. He says I can say we dated and that’s all anyone needs to know. Well, we actually lived together for nearly a year, so I’m going to go ahead and say that. I ran it by him. But I know the stuff he doesn’t want people to know.

It’s the stuff I’m blogging about all the time!

Sex, connection, relationships, etc.

What’s not to share about that?

Well, okay, I may not choose to share all of that with everyone all the time, but I share it with my friends and I do hope that by extension I am sharing it with all of their friends!  Good grief! This isn’t just anyone they would talk to about me! These are their friends!  

And so what if I don’t like all their friends? Or so what if they get me all wrong and don’t “understand” whatever that is? What harm does that do me?

If they really want to know, they can get to know me. If they don’t, okay.

So what if they publish it in tomorrow morning’s newspaper? And the whole world reads their opinion about me? People survive that all the time. Hell, they make good money off it!  

I can keep dealing with who and what is in front of me.

I somehow don’t feel threatened by it the same way Becky does.

What other people think of me is really none of my business.

Love,

Stacy